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The Blurred Cross: A Writer’s Difficult Journey With God
Richard Bauckham
Baker Academic (2024). 194 pp.
Richard Bauckham’s The Blurred Cross: A Writer’s Difficult Journey With God offers an intimate glimpse into his personal faith amid a season of unexpected vulnerability. Long celebrated for his extensive work in NT studies—including on John, Jude and 2 Peter, and Revelation—as well as his writings on ecological theology, early Judaism, OT pseudepigrapha, Jürgen Moltmann, and more, Bauckham here shifts focus inward, inviting readers into a critical period when his capacity to read suddenly came under threat. He calls this new work “a journey with God” (p. ix), charting how biblical reflections, theological insights, and poetry converged to sustain him during a health crisis. The result is a compelling narrative that testifies to the resilience of Christian faith when genuinely tested.
Bauckham locates the memoir in spring 2022, when he experienced a sharp decline in his eyesight. Reading and writing, foundational to his vocation as a scholar, were suddenly at risk of disappearing. This possibility jolted him, given how much of his work and identity revolve around the close study of Scripture and the sharing of insights with readers. Although he outlines some medical details, he places greater emphasis on the spiritual pilgrimage that unfolded. Each new appointment or anxious step into the unknown became an occasion to explore how anxiety and trust can coexist in a believer’s life.
Central to this narrative is providence, a theme Bauckham deems “essential to the Christian vision of life.” He grapples with how God’s caring governance interacts with human freedom, avoiding simplistic answers. He presents providence in accessible yet substantial terms, refusing to simplify the tension between God’s sovereignty and human freedom. “What is provided for us by God’s loving providence will be the best that can be provided in circumstances,” he writes, “not necessarily the best that might be available in a quite different kind of world” (p. 98). His articulation reflects a Christian perspective that God lovingly oversees all creation, yet human decisions remain real and consequential.
Inseparable from Bauckham’s reflections on providence is his honest wrestling with anxiety. He acknowledges the paradox of trusting God while, at times, trembling with uncertainty. Far from a contradiction, he sees it as a deeply human response that can lead us toward God’s nearness. “It is often in such times of anxiety and stress that God can seem very near” (pp. 77–78). By dispelling triumphalist assumptions that faith automati cally cancels out the human response of fear, Bauckham offers a humble, pastorally sensitive perspective: anxiety itself can be a pathway to greater dependence on God’s sustaining presence.
A distinctive element in The Blurred Cross is Bauckham’s poetry. He maintains, “Some things are best expressed in poetry” (p. x), and these poems create space for a reflective pause, inviting readers into deeper wonder at Christ. By weaving narrative, theological musing, and lyrical verse, Bauckham expands how Christian witness can speak to both mind and soul, appealing to pastors theologians and lay readers alike.
Even as Bauckham includes poetry, the book retains his trademark clarity. Renowned for authoritative works on the Gospel of John and the early Jewish context of Scripture, he channels his analytical precision into his memoir. His writing is accessible without being simplistic, addressing both lay and academic audiences. At times, the tone shifts from reflective to pastoral, an extension of his desire to help others glean hope from his experience. He cites a prayer often attributed to St. Richard of Chichester, “to see thee more clearly,” highlighting that spiritual insight often arises most vividly when our physical capacities falter (p. x). This candid vulnerability undergirds the book’s appeal as a genuine testimony.
Readers familiar with Bauckham’s scholarship might desire more explicit ties to his earlier work on, for example, the Book of Revelation or early Christology. Yet The Blurred Cross does not aim to be a standard academic treatise nor an exhaustive exegetical exploration. Instead, it purposes to be a reflective account of how theology becomes incarnate in personal tribulation. This choice keeps the narrative focused on his experiential journey rather than an extensive survey of past research. Thus, Bauckham highlights the lived dimension of his faith, demonstrating how biblical truths shape real-world decisions and emotional responses when one’s sense of purpose feels precarious.
Bauckham’s vulnerability is most evident in his recounting of the terror that gripped him as medical diagnoses remained uncertain. He resists offering any formulaic solution, emphasizing that faith involves risk—an entrusting of one’s future into hands we cannot see. Such an approach resonates with those who grapple with sudden health issues, job loss, or any threat to their calling. Whether a pastor theologian is comforting a congregant or wrestling with how suffering refines belief, Bauckham’s honesty rings true. He models a balance between candid fear and steadfast confidence in God’s promise, suggesting that anxiety itself can be transformed into a deeper experience of grace.
In the end, Bauckham finds a spirit of gratitude. Thanksgiving emerges in a recognition of God’s presence amid uncertainty. This perspective flows from his conviction that divine love operates even in painful circumstances. Such gratitude neither trivializes suffering nor romanticizes hardship; rather, it reorients us toward humility and wonder. The message resonates: a near catastrophe can yield renewed faith and an enriched capacity for praise.
Seminarians, pastor theologians, and laity will find much to savor in this blend of personal story, theology, and verse. The Blurred Cross raises universal questions about vocation, anxiety, and human fragility. It challenges simplistic assumptions about faith and affirms that trust in God can endure in crisis. As an academic, pastor theologian, and poet, I found particular joy in Bauckham’s fusion of rigorous thought and heartfelt devotion. His testimony reminds us that theology thrives where lived experience and deep reflection intersect, inviting us to see how life’s hardships can sharpen our vision of God. In the end, it is a profound invitation to discover faith’s resilience when the world feels most uncertain.
Andrew Ray Williams (PhD, Bangor University) is the Lead Pastor of Family Worship Center in York, PA. He is a member of the St. Basil Fellowship of the Center for Pastor Theologians.
