The views expressed in this article are of the author only and do not necessarily represent those of the Center for Pastor Theologians.
Non-Toxic Masculinity: Recovering Healthy Male Sexuality
Zachary Wagner
IVP (2023). 194 pp.
In Non-Toxic Masculinity: Recovering Healthy Male Sexuality, Zachary Wagner offers a unique and timely contribution to our current cultural moment regarding human sexuality. Wagner’s book is a theological analysis (or rather, a cultural exegesis) of the evangelical purity movement at large, particularly from a masculine perspective.
The book is structured into three sections. The first part of the book examines the history, harms, and toxic theology of purity culture, which have led to part of the problem of the cultural development of dehumanization within the church. After laying a foundation of background information inside the purity culture movement, Wagner shifts to examine common evangelical Christian praxis and sexual ethics, the (mis)use of the Bible regarding purity, and what Christian theology has to say about male sexuality. He concludes with theological reflection on the incarnation and the sexed male body of Jesus. The final section of the book applies a renewed vision of male sexuality to reframe the conversation on child rearing, dating culture/romance, pre-marital and marital expectations of sex, and the telos of male sexuality—in the hope that the church will reach the unity of the faith and knowledge of the Son of God, towards mature manhood (Eph 4:13).
This book has many strengths to commend—both in theological reflection and pastoral application. Wagner diligently highlights the dangerous aspects of purity culture’s theology that has both imprisoned and wounded many of the consciences of our congregants.
The first dangerous theological premise he highlights is the latent Gnosticism that is present within purity culture’s theology of the body (p. 100). As Wagner says, “body hatred thrives in purity culture . . . Many who received this type of teaching were left feeling that their bodies were bad and dangerous. This is . . . not a Christian way of thinking about bodies” (p. 32, 42). Wagner reminds his readers that this premise contradicts Scripture, because our bodies were made “very good” (p. 33).
The second theological problem Wagner emphasizes from purity culture’s view of sexuality is that it creates a modern form of Docetism in neglecting the sexed body of Christ and the ongoing nature of the incarnation (p. 102). Wagner states: “True humanity is sexual or sexed. All human bodies are sexed . . . When we hide from or refuse to acknowledge that Jesus had a sexed body, we deny the truth of the incarnation” (p. 101).
The third and possibly most significant theological reflection accentuates the (mis)use of Scripture within purity culture’s teachings. Wagner writes,
For many, deconstructing their view of the Bible goes hand in hand with deconstructing purity culture, primarily because views on purity, abstinence, and dating were framed as the clear teaching of the Bible. For some of you, Scripture feels restrictive, coercive, to this day. It was used to shame or control you. When you had questions, verses were used to shut you up. (p. 85)
Exercising pastoral sensitivity to the way Scripture was weaponized to his audience’s experience(s), Wager writes, “purity culture often reads into the Bible a particular version of masculine sexuality, rather than reading out of it and letting Scripture challenge our assumptions” (p. 85). He goes on to remind his readers that when Scripture speaks of “purity” (e.g. Ps 119:9, 11; Isa 1:16–17), it often contains the sense of moral uprightness in all of life, not just virginity or sexual chastity (pp. 88–91).
Commenting on the hermeneutical implications of the movement, Wagner explains, “the problem isn’t with the advice; it’s with the narrow and shallow view of the Bible” (p. 90). Purity culture has “sexualized and romanticized” biblical terminology (p. 91), has “promised too much,” and created a new retributive principle by emphasizing “blessings and consequences” for those who adhere to its teachings (p. 36). Wagner warns his audience of the sense of entitlement this culture has created: “Though it often masqueraded as biblical wisdom, purity culture’s shame-fueled approach and heretical prosperity teaching are contrary to the gospel of Jesus Christ” (p. 43).
Perhaps Wagner’s most helpful counsel lies within the areas of ministerial application and practice. The author bemoans the fact that the hyper-sexualized nature of relationships in the church has contributed to dehumanization of both men and women and a lack of trust, genuine friendships, and siblingship in Christ with members of the opposite sex (pp. 48–49). Wagner points out that it is potentially the fault of churches for insulating this sort of behavior—by over-promoting sex-specific ministries within the church, it has unintentionally created a culture of separation that “can signal men and women can never be trusted to share the [same] space without falling into sin” (p. 146).
Wagner also provides some provocative insights into the nature and failure of accountability groups. He states, “I’m in favor of accountability and guardrails. However, if we’re not careful, certain forms of account ability, like web-blocking software, can be counterproductive in cultivating self-control” (p. 149). He suggests that the future of sexual accountability within the church should not be merely one of enforcing external regulations by controlling people’s behavior for them, but instead, encouraging them towards opportunities in virtue formation—particularly in being able to produce the fruit of self-control (p. 149). We must “hold accountability accountable,” and keep the long road of sanctification in mind.
Although the book offers much beneficial information in the fields of orthopraxis, Christology, and anthropology, it does have some weaknesses. Wagner rightly points out the dangers of the “Billy Graham Rule,” particularly that this standard communicates to women that they are a threat (p. 61). “A pastor who needs . . . the Billy Graham rule to avoid sexualizing interactions with women is . . . not fit to be a pastor” (p. 155). Perhaps Wagner overstates the case here, potentially binding the conscience of certain ministers, or overlooks the need for winsome contextualization. Wagner is right in saying that men should relearn how to have nonsexual friendship with women (p. 155), but he overstresses this point by not providing nuance to cultural expectations in a community that is ingrained with this line of thinking, accommodating to relational baggage/experience, addressing specific local church policies, or in causing offense to a church member that could see a pastor meeting in a public space with a woman alone. It would be unfortunate to wound the consciences of those to whom we minister who are not ready to receive this application the way Wagner applies it in his ministerial context (see 1 Cor 10:23–31).
The second weakness relates to the lack of application for accountability groups and men coming for pastoral help to be freed from sexual addiction. Wagner addresses the problems of accountability but does not provide new practices to pursue for church members seeking freedom, to those not in an accountability group per se, and to those who do not use accountability software. More pastoral reflection would have helped ministers think of new ways forward for counseling that is personally and pastorally sensitive.
Overall, the book was easy to read and refreshingly filled with personal experience and authentic vulnerability. I would recommend this book to mature leaders of men’s ministries who would like to rethink accountability practices in their local context. I would also recommend this book to men and women who were harmed by purity culture or are seeking freedom from sexual sin, and I would suggest some sections to young couples seeking premarital counseling. This book would probably not be welcomed well by any who do not see the value in trauma-informed or integrative approaches to Christian counseling but are convinced of “biblical counseling only” models.
May the church continue to reform, even in its views of human sexuality.
Aaron Pendergrass (MA, Trinity Evangelical Divinity School) is the Associate Pastor of Youth at Bethel Baptist Church in Greeley, CO.
